its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancΓ©.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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