If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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