All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
