There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
