Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
