Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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