I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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