Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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