I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize