It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
