He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
