hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
