My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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