while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Couch. On fire.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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