she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
