Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
