so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
