The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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