On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
