I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
