How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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