My first STD was from a foam party
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Please don't give away my fajitas
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
