My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
