come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
