the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
