Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
