I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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