I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
