So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
