dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
