You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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