you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
