So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
