I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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