Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
