Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
soo... how was my night?
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