He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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