She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
