Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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