He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize