your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
