I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
