and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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