yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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