I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
