he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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