I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
