She said her name was "party"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
