he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
