Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize