you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
