Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
