I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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