My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
