Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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