Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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