My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
