i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I love you. Go after that dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
