You're my little dorito
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she looked like the before picture.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize