Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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