I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
