I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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