did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you would pick up someone in the library
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
