the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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