Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
