I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
