you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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