Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
