fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bring me that man meat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
