I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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