im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
