I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need a burrito and a hug.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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