why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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