at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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