he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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