3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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