Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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