I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
