things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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