New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
