Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
