who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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