Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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