I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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