My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
