Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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