Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
