THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
