the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
