I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
did i walk over a car last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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