im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize