"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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