actually, I'm a sock model
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
