1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
