U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
